LMAO when this photo of my niece arrived in my inbox this morning with the caption “Sophie’s ninjaaaa death strrrike!” Therefore I have spent this morning researching whether I can make a career as a ninja or a “kunoichi” as us lady ninjas are known. Ninja’s and Samurai being secretive peeps, it’s obviously been a hard job to investigate. In fact, the only chap I found who made any money is the Ask a Ninja.
Undetterred, I decided to check myself against the ten steps to becoming a ninja (stealthily nicked wholsesale from WikiHow)
Ten Steps to Becoming a Ninja
1. Decide upon a series of ideas, morals and philosophies to live by – I’m leaning towards a mix of Mr Myagi off of Karate Kidand Yoda.
2. Get and maintain a ninja body – Started this morning with a 3 mile run.
3. Know how to escape – successfully escaped the evil clutches of commuterism
4. Learn to control people and manipulate events not by force, but by words – Mr P says “as a female this should come naturally”.
5. Study the 18 different disciplines of ninjutsu – Reckon I am already skilled in Sui-ren (water) ie taking a bath and Kayakujutsu (pyrotechnics and explosives) ie cooking.
6. Learn how to move stealthily – Snuck up on neighbour this morning whilst putting out bins. To be fair, he is a deaf octogenarian but hey, it was a start
7. Feed your mind. With knowledge comes power – And with great power comes great responsibility. Watched Spiderman.
8. Master self control – It’s already 8am and I still haven’t eaten any chocolate. Result.
9. Practice ninjutsu in secrecy – Err….
10. Never publicize your aspirational status as a ninja -D’oh!! Failed
Consoled myself with my Karate Kid box set. Wax on. Wax off.
Filed under: Unusual jobs
